Dirty, Religious, racist, political jokes
DIRTY-
1.Who makes more money a prostitute or a crack dealer?...The prostitute because she can just wipe the crack and sell it again.
2.After 29 yrs of marriage, a woman decided she needed to do something to spice up her marriage.
She went out and bought a pair of crotchless panties, put them on, walked up to her husband and said, "Do you want some of this? "He replied, "Hell No... Look what it did to those panties!"
3.what are the simalarities between a woman and a bucket of KFC......after u take away the theighs and legs there is still a greasy box left.
RELIGIOUS-
1.What do you call a polack in a 3000 doller hat?...the pope.
RACIST-
1.What do tou call a black baby?...Niglet.
2.What do you call an ethiopian with a venirial desiese?...quarter pounder with cheese.
3.What do you call an ethiopian with buck teeth?...a rake.
4.What does PONTIAC sand for?...Poor Old Nigger Thinks Its A Cadaillac.
5.Why are black people so good at basketball?...They can Shoot, Steal and Run.
6.What has a thousand feet and two teeth?...An indian road block.
7.What do u do when u wake up in the middle of the night and your TV is floating?.........Shoot the nigger thats takin it.
POLITICAL-
1.What do you call a layer neck high in sand?...not enough sand.
2.A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.
The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers... we had when we broke in!"
THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP...
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in
Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a
police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around. That's how far ahead of me they ar! e.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look
glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
GAY JOKES
1.Poop poker
2.Terd tapper
3.A brown braun
4.What do u call a homo with diarreha.......Juicy fruit.
5.I once knew two gay guy named Neil and Bob.
6.Three gay guys are in a hot tub and all of the sudden a condom with gizz pops up two the surface...one of the gay guys goes."Who farted"
REDNECK JOKES
1.How do u circumsize a hillbilly?..........kick his sister in the chin
2.If two rednecks have a divorce are they still brother and sister?
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Blonde, Songs, Bar Jokes and Micelanious
BLONDE-
1.What do you call a blond with adoller on her head?
All you can eat for under a buck.
2.What do you call a blonde with a toonie on her head?
Over priced.
3.Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.
4.What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
Thanks for the refill.
5.Why do blondes have square breasts?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
6.What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
Silicone chips.
7.How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
He has a checkbook.
8.Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
9.A blonde, brunet and a redhead are getting chased by some men. They run into a barn and jump into sacks. The men come in and look around. A man kicks the sack with the brunett in it and she replies, "MEOW". So the man the man says that it is just a bag full of cats. They kick the bag with the redhead and she goes. "WOOF". The man says that it is just a bag full of dogs. Then they kick the bag with the blonde in it and she says "UM POTATOES".
SONGS-
HILLBILLY SONG by kyle pastor..
Stick it in your grandma, if it dosent fit, all you gotta do is wiggle it a bit. If it aint a bother, do it with your father, if he dosent blister ram it i your sister. Cant do your mother, bum rush your brother. If your wife left you do it with your nefew, if you want a piece do it with your neice.
If it aint so bad, do it with your dad.
JUNGLE SONG by persons unknown..
I was a swingin in the jungle, my cock in my hand and then i saw an nigger in konga land. I look up a tree and what do i see, the little fuckin nigger tryin to piss on me. I picked up a rock, threw it at his cock and that little nigger ran around the block. He ran out of gas, i boot him in the ass, i never seen a nigger run so fast.
Blowjob Etiquette---What chicks think
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to come on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls -if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games, smoke a cigarette, watch TV...etc.... immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV, smoke a cigarette, drink, etc....
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."
BAR JOKES-
Reasons for allowing drinking at work include:
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. It makes fellow employees look, smell and taste better.
14. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
15. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
16. Suddenly, farting during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
17. No one will remember your strip act at the Christmas Party.
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