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Funny jokes
1. Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the castle.
Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women. The three men decided to stay (obviously, what man wouldn't). For a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times a day with all of the beautiful women.
After a week, the king of the castle and his army of men came back. As he walked into his castle, he found the three men with his women. Upset, the king ordered his army to capture the three men and line them up against the wall. Then the king said that each of them would be severely punished according to their occupation.
The king goes up the first man and demands to know his occupation. The first man replies, "Fireman." The king tells his army, "Burn off his penis."
Then he walked over to the second man and asked his occupation. Hesitating the man said, "I...I...I...I'm a police officer." The king ordered, "Shoot off his penis."
Then finally the King asks the third man his occupation. With a huge smile on his face the man replied, "Lollipop salesman."
2.A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."
3.A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years
old. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They have bunk beds and the guy notices
that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his
girlfriend climb up to the top bunk. As you might expect things start to
heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he
tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and
"tomato" if she wants a new position.
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
She screams.
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!
Little Maggot inthe Making
Hey Darius.....................................
......................UR MOM
Incubus
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Bruce Lee
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